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~Crazy~
To
those who can
I walked around in circles,
All
in my head,
They call me crazy,
I call myself dead.
I can’t get the images out of my head,
All those
things I see,
Put me in this bed.
I’m strapped down,
From my wrist to my feet,
All I can think is,
Oh
God why can’t I just breath?
I have no place to call home
For sure now,
I’m all alone.
They
took my soul,
Then threw it away,
I now know I shouldn’t have ever told them all the things I see,
Inside me
they creep,
Man this time I’m in deep.
All the nightmares I have make me weary,
I can’t sleep,
So
they give me a pill
I drift away with out a struggle,
My body goes numb,
I can’t fight it any longer.
I’m
getting weaker by the hour,
My skin is sun deprived,
I no longer feel the hunger,
I no longer fight for my rights.
All
I wanted was a little help,
To talk to some one who knew how it felt,
Bad luck is what I have,
should have left way
back when
Because now its to late to be gone
I’m not crazy!!
I just never wanted to sleep,
I
just wanted all the nightmares to go away,
Though now I just want to die
At first they put me in just a white room.
With
absolutely nothing to do,
Believe me you would want to die too.
I found a piece of glass,
I could no longer fight
the urge,
I started to give in to those things I saw,
I was red up and down head to toe,
But it wasn’t enough.
They
found me so they say “just in time”
Though as I put it,
They found me before I had a chance to die.
So
now I sit strapped all the way around,
They wired my mouth shut,
I no longer have a voice,
Because when I became
desperate
I bit off my tongue,
Never had the chance to bleed to death.
Now I’ll admit,
I’m
crazy with in,
It’s all because of them,
That I am what I am .
I was just a normal kid,
Just was a little
worried with in,
Those things a saw scared every part of me,
Though it’s nothing like what they’ve done
to me.
Will I ever be set free?
Please, please just let me be!
Do you see now why I want to leave?
See this
is why I bleed
These things you’ve done is worst then I anyone can dream,
Its worst then those things I see.
You
stupid hypocrites, you said “I can do this”
when indeed you cant
Now I’m crazy
Now, it will never
be ok ever again.
You took my money and laughed out loud,
while I sit here and drown……
And I still
see those things in my head…….
Just me
To the people that in the end,are in it all alone
Im always alone,
In the middle of the night, stoned
Dealing with the problem at hand,
Even
when Im in bed with my man.
But that’s just me,
And the way its suppose to be.
They can all state what
they will
“She needs a fucking pill”
They state that Im crazy and ill,
But Im not theirs to kill.
So
it’s just me,
And I guess…..the way its suppose to be.
And no matter what they say,
He usually passes
out anyway
And I just sit up and bleed,
He never even sees.
That’s just me,
And the way its suppose
to be.
No matter who is there,
In the end no one cares,
It’s always too late at night
For them “so
called friends”
To take the time.
So in the end it’s just me,
And that’s the way it will always
be
Author's Comments:
"no matter what,who, or the problem is, we always
end up dealing with it.... alone"
Under Ground
The
night is coming,
And yet the day is just beginning,
I sit outside just pondering your breathing.
Every one is
so warn down,
And Im first to let it all out,
Some times you just can’t make it work out.
I watched you
pack your things,
And at that point I just couldn’t believe,
I care about you more it seems,
You left without
a kiss,
And I was blown away from this,
I knew I shouldn’t have taken the risk,
Now I sit down and lounge,
For
you and I will never be drowned,
To bad I cant be found…..
My body is under ground.
Do You Under Stand?
Do you just wonder why you feel
like its all falling apart,
Have you ever sat alone in the dark?
Have you ever tried to under stand?
How to pick
it all up again?
How many nights,
Have you lain awake?
Just wishing you weren’t a mistake,
Just wishing
life would give you a break,
How many times,
Have you wanted to say goodbye,
But never had the guts,
To even
try…
Have you ever cut yourself so deep?
That it didn’t even bleed,
Have you ever felt so weak?
That
you could even breathe?
Do you just wish you could die?
Or maybe even fly,
Or maybe,
You just want to know
why,
I am writing this rhyme….
Midnight plea
All
the nights I've sat there awake at one in the morning
Slightly
crazy,
Full of spite,
I hate you dearly with all my might.
I wake in the morning full of anger,
Because of
what you did that night,
I feel so dirty no matter how many times I wash your pity.
As soon as I calm down,
I
look in the mirror,
Watch it all rush back.
My mind is wondering,
I break the glass,
I cut myself to make
time pass.
Right now I can honestly say,
I hate everything right now,
And to add no one in the worlds loves me,
See
me cry with blood stained eyes.
Everyone has dreams,
Everyone needs love,
Everyone wants something,
They ask
him from up above.
But tonight I’ll bow my head and listen to my plea,
Could you kill me so deep?
Dear
Lord let me bleed,
Dear Lord can’t you see?
Dear Lord can you believe he would do things these things to me?
Dear
lord from up above
Can you make this stop with one small shout?
I’m counting on you now
To stop the images
in my mind
Could you make me die tonight?
What A Day
To the
day I had
I woke up
this morning,
And coverd the mirror up,
I think I have a little hang over,
Uh duh that’s why I’m throwing
up!
Oh man,
I look like shit,
Don’t remember what I did,
So I put my sunglasses on,
And carry on.
I’m
at work,
And in a shit ass mood,
Yes I’ll admit,
Seeing his face would kinda cheer me up.
There I said
it…..
Everyone is bitching in my face,
Dude I feel like a disgrace,
In this crazy place,
Today is
just one of those days,
I wish I could die.
Now he’s kinda sneaking up in my brain,
Oh crap I really
didn’t want to get attached this time.
My friends say give it up,
“We know you really want to be with
him”
I’m just scared,
Is what I always say,
With that my mind is made,
I’m going to end
it,
Before it’s too late.
My friends say it would be a mistake,
But I’m going to do it anyway.
But
then he calls me up,
Ask how my day was,
And then I guess,
All my determination,
Fades away.
Dam this stupid
feelings shit!!
So now I’m off the phone,
Thinking if it all was a mistake,
I think about life,
And
wondering where the time went.
I want to take a shower,
But my sister has been in there for an hour!!!!
I’m
listening to a song,
That’s starting to bring me down,
I wish I could stop this rhyme,
But my mind won’t
run dry,
The lines are pouring out,
But I'm not in tears this time.
I’m sure you guys can relate…..
No help
I have been seeing these things,
After he walked out on me,
I just walk around
mindlessly,
Every one thinks I’m flipping crazy!
Woke up this morning,
To find myself bleeding,
Oh I
can tell this is going to be a lovely morning.
Had a phone call,
In my head,
I picked it up to hear what it said
“You’re
lazy,
You’re crazy,
You’re not even funny,
Go get some help,
And tell me how it works out”
So
I ran in the street,
And screamed,
“Every one look at me!!
Can some one save me?”……..
They
just told me to go some where else.
Well that was a lot of help…..
So I went to the doctor
And asked
if I’m a disaster,
He told me to take some pills and drink them down.
A new medication
This should be a
fun addiction
Fucking thanks a lot
So I’m right back home,
With some jack and coke,
Look at the pills,
And
pop a few in,
Minutes pass,
I drink a glass,
Things are blurry,
Hope I pass out in a hurry.
Isn’t
this a lovely story?
I stumble out the door,
After I realize the liquor is all on the floor
To my surprise I
see nothing at all
Look down to see I’m on a cloud
Guess I have bigger problems now…..
Look up
to see his face,
I stumble to my feet with shame,
I said “Lord I’m so out of shape
Would you believe
death is my faith?
He just looked at me with dismay,
I know all these things you say,
But for now I must say,
You
are the biggest disgrace I’ve ever seen
Then he sent me away,
I said “but Lord can’t you save
me?”
He said “no”
You’re crazy,
Now go get some help………some where else
The Night I Spent In Hell
The wind blows threw my hair,
I’m feeling the scares left from the souls before,
I hear them say, “escape
before it’s to late”,
Their whispers are like sweet little notes.
These voices are all around,
I
sit here now wondering what to do,
I’ve waited for this moment for a life time,
Now I have no idea where to go.
I’m
just scared I’ll end up empty,
Something strange is happening,
Can you feel it coming?
It gives me chills in
my mind,
As I watch the sun rise from the corner of my eye.
They rain falls slowly,
I look up to a blank sky,
That’s
full of mystery,
I loosing control of the feeling,
Can’t help but listen,
“You’re getting weaker,
This
isn’t just any message,
This is the answer to all your questions,
Just look below,
Just let go".
I’m
so scared on what it says but I do it anyway,
I look down,
I see nothing,
Just like it’s always been,
I
finally no longer question,
The gut feeling in me so low.
I fall,
Into the break of existence,
Their was no
one to stop the call,
It isn’t any ones fault
Not even my own.
I see an angels face,
I bow my head
in the presences of his grace,
Hear him say,
“You’re such a mistake",
You could have been so much,
But
the problem was,
You never trust.
You gave into the serpent,
I wish you wouldn’t have listened,
I had
an open invitation
It was right here for you,
But now I have to let him take you,
I’m sorry but there’s
nothing I can do.
You’re his to wither,
Now you have to rot in hell forever,
All the light is leaving,
Then
I start screaming,
“Lord, Lord I’m sorry!”
I feel the burning flames,
I have this burn on my
finger,
As my feet start to tremble,
I guess God gave up on me.
I start to plunder.
The feeling is now bitter,
I
think I’ll burn forever.
Then I awake,
Laying in bed of satin,
I never left this place,
Then I look
down at my finger,
The burn is still in its place……….
This dream is something I’ll never question,
God
gave me a chance,
I’ll never let him down,
You probably think I’m crazy,
Someday you will believe this
story,
It was a night I’ll never forget,
This stranger trip,
That God will never make me forget,
The night
a spent in hell.
Let Me
Let me bleed,
Let me be,
Let me see for myself,
What this is doing to me,
Let
time pass,
Let me break the glass,
Let me cut my face
So I can be scared of this fate,
Let me walk,
Let
me talk,
Let me go on and on,
Let me see where I went wrong,
Let his face wither from my brain,
Let his love
be erased from this game
Let me find some one new,
So I will quit bothering you
Let the light leave my eyes,
Let
me find my own way to say goodbye,
Let me cry,
But please don’t let me die
Point less Rhyme
to
anyone that might have been through something like this
I took a walk
where I thought you’d be,
Turned out I was wrong,
I haven’t seen you in years.
Maybe it wasn’t
you after all who did all those things to me,
Maybe some one took over you,
Because it was your face I saw
but it
couldn’t have been you all along.
I’m starting to see I was killing you slowly,
But im not sorry,
Because
you raped me painfully, but not fiscally.
Your painful words haunt me,
They keep me up all times of the night,
I’m
so tired ,
I feel worthless,
you made sure you told me all the time.
That’s why I had them sell me,
I
never thought id see you there,
My heart is acing ,
There’s pictures of you every were,
And that’s what’s
so scary.
Every one thinks im crazy,
I guess they haven’t met you.
You used up every fucking part of me,
You
didn’t even say sorry!
So now im just lonely,
Such a bitter soul they sold me to.
You never told me,
that
it would hurt this much.
Id rather face the worst disease ,
Oh wait I just did.
Why don’t you just
kill me?
To put me out of my misery.
Good God I look so sickly .
How could anyone care for me?
I feel
so dirty.
The cost you paid was free.
There is no refunds,
I never read the fine print.
I really should have
asked what’s going to happen to this body,
To late now they already sent me.
Now im your slave,
Did you
want my death with that?
You rap me daily,
Just like before,
Except much more,
its not just mentally.
Now
I cant escape,
I’m yours till dooms day.
There’s nothing you cant do to me ,
Except stop my writing.
Ill
never stop its all I have to let the world know what your about.
And I often ask will it ever stop?
I just wanted
the everyone to know,
how it feels to live in your mindless world.
Its lonely, heartless and numb,
Its dirty,
cheap, A lot like hell.
Id do anything to get away from it,
But god cant even hear me ,
Because like I said this
might be hell,
There’s just no other way to put it.
This is all my fault ,
I choose to walk this road,
I
could have stopped and turned around but you lead me on.
This wouldn’t have ever happened if they told me
I could
have done so much more
If they would have told me
There's such a better way.
Old Feelings
To old feelings that some times just don't
go away
Let it bleed,
So everyone will see,
The real me.
What
hurts me so deep,
Is the hypocrisy I see,
See how he lied to me?
Twisted my brain till I was mocked,
Melted my
feelings to a heartless block,
There I stood only in shock.
If you could feel the way I do for just a day,
I
know for a fact you wouldn’t want to stay.
I still don’t know what I would say,
If I saw him face to face.
Would
I see a glimpse of me?
Or would I smile because it would be a stranger’s face
That no longer has the best of what
I used to be.
See me sit dead,
Finally at peace.
Cant
I cant
crack a smile,
I cant go the extra mile,
I cant stop these crazy thoughts,
Even though I know I’m being mocked.
I
cant change the way I feel,
I cant act like I am real
I cant make you respect my faith,
For the simple fact you have
the worst fate.
I cant send him to hell,
I cant ring heavens bells,
I cant make my problems fade out,
And
I cant tell you what this poem is about
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